


When All is Said and Done (it's not enough)

by antarshakes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda to 3x16, Drabble, I had lots of feels okay, M/M, Sam has to deal with Deans death, Wincest - Freeform, episode fic, my imaginary cats are proud, poem style, sam is a sad puppy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-12
Updated: 2012-12-12
Packaged: 2017-11-20 23:57:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 351
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/591134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antarshakes/pseuds/antarshakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not enough: buying his cologne so the pillows will smell like him. It’s not enough, because it’s not his smell.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When All is Said and Done (it's not enough)

**Author's Note:**

> this [gif](http://pics.livejournal.com/akintay/pic/0000z1rt) from 4.01 totally got me thinking about how I haven't read enough hurt fics about 3.16 and 4.01, how a hurt lover would deal. And it hurt. So I dealt with it and wrote this.

 

***   
He left you when you just had him back.

He left you when all you had was him.

He left you with a memory of his kiss, his touch

He left you with ideas of what could’ve been

He left you with an ache, a hurt with only one aid

He left you by yourself   
***   
You hang the amulet around your own neck (near your heart)

You keep his jacket (maybe he’ll come back for it)

You keep his cologne (the pillows smell like him)

You keep his favorite shirt (now it’s yours)

You clean his guns (you don’t use them, they're his)

You wash the car (you talk to her)

You call his phone unintentionally (intentionally)

There’s only a voice left to remember.

It’s not enough

***

The jacket is too cold, isn’t worn

The cologne is too fresh, it’s not  _him_

The shirt rips, you sow it back together   
Your blood is on it, your sweat, mixed with his. You don’t wash it

The amulet doesn’t look good on you the way it did

She doesn’t talk back

The voice doesn’t call you ‘Sammy’

It hurts, but you make do.

It hurts.

***

He’s standing in the doorway, like you had let yourself dream about

He’s standing in the doorway waiting for you

He’s waiting for you to tell him it’s okay

He’s been waiting for you like you’ve been waiting for him

And it’s okay.

It’s okay.

***

He shrugs back in to his jacket.

He dabs his cologne

He hangs his amulet

He tucks in his guns

He takes back his phone

He calls you Sammy and caresses his car

You keep the shirt in the bottom of your bag

***

At night he makes you remember what you’d lost (gained)

At night he calls you ‘Sammy’ the way you want to hear it (the way you need)

In the morning you smell like him (the way you’ve longed)

The pillows smell like him (the way it should)

The bed is warm, the body is warm

He’s back and the ache is gone

He’s back and it’s enough.

It’s everything.

***

End


End file.
